Good afternoon, good evening and goodnight. Skip straight to Nessie if you wanna skip the messie, more personal side.
It’s bad guys. For the past four days, I’ve done a lot of high level thinking, a lot of planning and organizing, but very little actual work got accomplished. Even on the blog post side, the easiest thing I’ve got to do everyday, I messed up pushing it out. I wrote up the post, proof read it, and then promptly moved on and forgot about it. Just dumb.
Going back and reading it this morning, I didn’t even want to post it. How is it that something I wrote yesterday can already sound so stupid, snotty, self-obsessed…
But of course I’m writing self-obsessively, this a blog. Reading back my blog posts, I think the same thing I think whenever I hear what my voice sounds like to other people – I never want anyone to hear my voice ever again. Reading what I’ve written makes me never want to write again. I bet watching the first videos I make will be even worse, because as shitty as my writing is, I’ve written infinitely more than I’ve produced video content…
Does using … repeatedly make my writing worse? Make me seem obnoxious to other people?
That’s what those thoughts boil down to, I think, the idea that what I produce will reflect poorly on me, on who I am and what I’m like. I’m way out of my depth pop. psychology-wise already, but to take this to it’s full Dr. Phil conclusion…
I tend to think I’m a pretty likeable guy, as in, give me a reasonable chance and I can get you to like me. I accept that there are people that don’t like me, but that’s because I either haven’t had the chance to get them to like me, or because I don’t like them enough to care if they like me. I don’t know where that belief puts me on the sociopath scale, hopefully it’s on the delusional but mostly harmless side.
With this project I’ll have to confront that belief, and deal with the fact that it’s not true; there are going to be people that I really Really REALLY want to like me, that are going to absolutely hate me. Maybe that’s why it’s been so hard for me to put myself out there.
Or maybe I’m just smoking some really deep weed, yeye #420 ¢hroni¢$
I’m not just talking out my ass though, my fear is a little justified, as I have tried a couple forays out into professional public life. Both were dismal failures, but I do want to emphasize that they were just probes, trying out a couple things while I was still working my full time job
My first little probity probe was a small Hearthstone tournament that initially got me very excited. The tournament itself was a riff on the regular rules of HS, where you were supposed to kill yourself before your opponent. It seemed like a creative little way to draw in people who would want to be involved with non-competitive competitions, while having fun with a game that can get stale after a lot of play. The initial response on reddit wasn’t great, but about thirty people signed up on the tournament site I used, which was a lot more than I expected.
The number of people who didn’t show up to the tournament, and the number of people who would sign up, but not read the rules, was also a lot more than I expected. On the day of, I think we had seven people show up, two of which thought it was a normal rules deal. I played a couple games, the other players finished all theirs, and I shut it down feeling pretty disappointed.
My other attempt to garner a little internet recognition was even more casual, simply a poorly photoshopped album of what I thought was a funny idea for an Overwatch announcer pack. The post garnered no interest, and I eventually deleted the reddit post in shame. Let’s have Nessie help us break down why these probity probes returned pretty weak results.
First I want to say that I wasn’t expecting these attempts to garner massive interest, but I did overestimate the attention they did receive. Whenever my expectations are upset during this process, I’m going to try and break down the what and why, so…
I just really like how ellipses break up a page.
For both of my wittle wrobes, I think it’s important to keep in mind that I’m a no name. I have no built in fanbase, anything I throw out there has to be able to be both flashy and catchy (which is part of why I’m going to be going for funny little edgy bits; short videos, fun microevents [tournaments/viewer interactions], etc.). It’s obvious that if I had a larger following, more people would have seen the posts, maybe they would have been popular. But that’s not a very productive line of reasoning to follow. It gives us no tips to improve except “GET MORE POPULAR.”
More productive is the admission that the probes weren’t very high quality. The tournament wasn’t set up for success (rules weren’t clear, didn’t give myself time to drum up more participants, poorly planned in general), and the announcer pack submission was low qual. dog poo poo. And I mean the dog was low quality, not the poop. What would “low quality” as in the poo poo even mean? Doesn’t make any sense.
So not to make too big a deal out of these two constricted examples, but the exercise outlines another rule I’m going to try to follow. So far we have three, a tri-tip if you will.
- Figure out why you’re in this.
- Do what you say you’re going to do.
- Incorporate feedback, but not too much
I need to figure out the balance of doing what I like, and doing what works. The most important part of this whole experiment is my end-goal, but a close second is the importance of maintaining creative discretion.
But again that’s jumping the whatever, as I’m a far way off from having to worry about some bastard stealing my “creative discretion.” For now the goal is create something that generates more interaction, more buzz, and as I’ve alluded to over the past couple posts, being productive hasn’t gone great.
I don’t know if I should be worried about how hard it’s been to crank out a video or something, when I have the ideas and the tools readily available. I’m not terribly worried about it, just because I’ve been getting other work done, but if I don’t produce something soon I think it’ll be a red flag. One thing I know about myself is that I’m much better with the storyboarding/planning aspect than I am with the execution/production. Something good to keep in mind, but again not terribly pertinent to the task of creating a video. Except I can console myself with the idea that IF I make it big, I can come up with all the video ideas, and pay someone else to do the grunt work.