DAY ONE

This morning, I officially found out my real job, my money paying job, my keeping-me-out-of-my-mom’s-basement job, is gone. I’ve known this day was coming for over a month, but it still rocked me a little bit when my boss informed me that today, not August 31st, was that day.  Today was the day my real life would end, and my dream life would start.

Oh God.

I chose this. I really did. I can’t necessarily say that I was in a rational state of mind at the time, but it was a choice for which I will be held responsible. Financially responsible at least – Wells Fargo seems to put a lot of weight on loan repayment. Within a very constricting, and I feel like it has to be said, rather unforgiving time frame. No I.O.U.s 😦

As for any other implications, I’m not sure there are many. The decision to leave a salaried sales job with an up and coming tech start-up was neither easy, nor obvious, but I didn’t make it overnight (not over one night, anyway). Which brings me to an actual concrete point: why I’m writing this blog. There are more than a few reasons, but numbers one and two are opposite sides of the same coin:

If I crash and burn, I want an easy to access record of my thought process, so I won’t have to constantly explain to friends and family why exactly I threw away a perfectly nice career, apartment, proper personal hygiene, etc.

If, however, it does well, or, God willing, exceeds my wildest dreams and launches me on a trajectory of unimaginable and unending possibilities… well, I’ll want a record of these early days to peruse on my Space yacht, as we orbit my Space ranch, where I’ll be growing…Space…biggest Space ranch in the whole blogosphere.

But I’m trying to keep my expectations reasonable. Today was a good reminder I need to do a better job.

I woke up late this morning, thinking the same thing I’ve thought for the past three mornings; ‘Today is Day One. Time to get serious. Time to stop procrastinating.” These thoughts calm me, because I wink at myself as I think them, knowing that while today really really is Day One, tomorrow could just as easily be Day One, just as yesterday was Day One, and that one day two summers ago, when I realized I could no longer eat a Tostino’s pizza party 4 pack in one sitting with no consequences, was also Day One, and that day in 12th grade was also Day One… And when I think about it isn’t every day a possible Day One, so why not make tomorrow Day One, as today, there is a lot of fun things I could do.

This post is a great example. Totally more fun writing dead end paragraphs with bolded letters than it is putting to paper how possibly screwed I am. So here is a summary of the events that lead me to abandon job security :

  • Early-Mid 2014: Leave a job I like after the company gets acquired.
  • Early Mid ’14 – Late-Mid ’14: Work job I should have (no sarcasm) loved.
  • Late-Mid ’14 – Late ’14: ‘WHY DO I NOT LOVE THIS JOB’, go crazy, quit. No real backup plan.
  • Late ’14 – 3 Months ago: Found another job I should have loved, didn’t, ‘Well then WTF DO I love?’
  • 2 Months ago: Realize what I love
  • 1 Month ago: Decided to quit my job and pursue what I love, talked with boss about working through end of August, then I’m outs!
  • Today: Found out my job won’t need me over the next month after all, last Friday was my last day
  • Right this moment: Confused, panicky, elation (?)

In a lot of ways, I’m exactly where I need to be. I have access to all of the necessary equipment, I have a rough game plan that’s getting clearer and clearer everyday, and I’ve got that eye of the tiger, you know what it is, baby, baby, baby. Yeah, baby.

What more could I possibly need?

Lots of stuff, probably half of which I haven’t thought of, and half of that half of which I won’t be able to afford when I do need it. How much does something I haven’t thought of even cost anyway?!? I’m betting a lot.

The worst part is, I knew this day was going to come, and not just because it was obvious to everyone and their mothers. It was obvious to me to, it was even a part of my plan.

“Oh yeah,” I said, so smiley and obnoxious and not at all aware of what I was talking about. “That’s the great thing, it’s sink or swim. I gotta make it work, because I have nothing else to fall back on. It’s genius!”

It’s stupid. But maybe, just maybe. It’ll work.

Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please let it work.

Something more concrete for my second post tomorrow.

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